Are you taking radical responsibility for your life?

Are you taking radical responsibility in your life? Or are you blaming things on other people and circumstances?

Most of us think that life happens TO us not FOR us. That bad things happen to us without any input from us. Why did this happen to me? Why do I always meet the wrong guys that treat me bad? Or why do I always end up in jobs that don't value me? Sound familiar?

I am the first to put up my hand and say that I had been living in the 'poor me' way of life for a very long time. The victim mentality that that's just how the cards were dealt for me. Isn't that what good girls do? Accept your fate and surrender to it? That I just had to take things and accept things the way they are. In fact, I dwelled in it. I hid from the hard truth. From the part that I played in it. s through it.

The concept that we indeed have the power and capability to co-create our lives was totally alien to me. You mean I have a say in how my life shapes and all the shitty things in my life are within my control to change?

Looking back now it's easy to see, but when I was living in victimhood I couldn't see a way out.

The answer is both easy and one of the hardest pills I've had to swallow.

Radical responsibility.

What does that mean? It means that we take our power back, we stop giving our power away to others. We start focusing on finding solutions rather than giving out blame. We take responsibility for the part we play in situations.

Whereas it's true we can't control all the situations in our life, we have the power of how to respond to things. Do we respond from a victim or lack mentality, out of codependency or stagnation? Or do we respond out of an empowered place, a place of learning and taking the driver's seat?

I'll give you a quick example to show this.

For years I've walked through life feeling miserable in my marriage and not seeing a way out. My husband was the one with the issues which were the culprit to how our marriage played out. I bathed in being miserable. I skated through life neglecting to acknowledge the fact that I had made the decision to marry him. That I was enabling his issues and behaviours by hiding and lying to those around me about how bad things actually were. It was only when I started to take radical responsibility that things changed. I took responsibility for my behaviour. I looked at where I had to make different choices. Accompanied by a lot of self-compassion and forgiving myself for living this way too long.

Uff I tell you it was a hard pill to swallow. But one of the biggest lessons I've learned on this journey. And it transformed my life beyond belief.

Taking responsibility also means prioritising yourself and your needs. Something that can be very difficult and feel selfish. Often this is accompanied by a lack of self-worth and self-love. One of the reasons for the lack of self-worth is that you probably have betrayed yourself for a very long time. Put others' needs ahead of your own, said yes when you wanted to say no, neglected signs by your body.

Taking radical responsibility will help bring that feeling of self-worth and self-love back. Because you start to trust yourself, your decisions and your actions. Little by little it gets easier and taking responsibility gets easier.

This process is no walk in the park. It's hard to look at things we could have done better. Mistakes we've made and owning up to them. But if you want to start living your life intentionally and aligned, it's imperative to do. You'll fall back into victimhood often, but you pick yourself back up. You learn to see the signs and pick yourself up quicker over time.

I will go into more detail on this in my book, but I wanted to introduce you to the concept of radical responsibility.

My invitation for you is to take stock of your life right now and get honest with yourself.

Maybe place a hand or both on your heart and ask yourself

What areas of your life are you living in a place of victimhood, handing out blame or betrayal of yourself?

Be gentle with yourself. Keep breathing as the truth emerges. Let the tears fall. Practice self-compassion. Acknowledge that this may be a moment of suffering, that this hurts to realise. But that this is part of being human. It's ok to be human and make mistakes. You've done the best you could with what you had. Then bring kindness to yourself. Maybe speak to yourself as you would to a friend in this situation.